someone to hold unto
by capricious insanity
Summary: sasunaru. naruto's gone cold while sasuke's been more expressive. sasuke loves naruto but is in a relationship with sakura. involves gaara and lots of tears. not much violence.
1. to hold

**Someone to hold**

* * *

_Everytime I see them, romping around, giggling, shrieking laughter and hugging._

"Hey, naruto! wanna join a pillow fight? My team!"

Sakura proposed and continued to pummel gaara with a pillow.

"Yeah! Naruto! It'd be more fun! I'd finally be able to attack someone, and win!"

_gaara chipped, letting temari, sakura andino bury him. Sasuke gave me a sheepish grin._

"Yeah! On my-"

"gaara's loosing team!"

_sakura said, though it sounded more like a demand, And gave me a suspicious look._

_His team._

_I mentally ended sasuke's sentence._

_I shook my head to decline. Saw the satisfied grin she gave me._

_She smiled at him._

Love.

Joy.

Glee.

* * *

_I scream inside.

* * *

_

sakura giggled and clung to sasuke like a leech. Temari andino did the same, though not quite as much as sakura.

* * *

Affection.

* * *

_I want that too._

_I want her emotions. I want to be expressive towards him._

* * *

Want, want, want!

naruto! Is that how a _thing's_ supposed to think?

Hell, don't be selfish.

What about what _they _want?

Hmm?

Ever thought of that?

Do you honestly think that she was that kind? You must be insane. No one is _that_ perfect. She's beautiful, intelligent, sweet and kind…… and possessive and flirty.

He's _her_ boy… remember what she confessed?

To quote sakura's _exact_ words…

"sasuke-kun, aishiteru!" 

She said that. _Her _boy. Not yours.

Are you a fag or a man?

You sicken me.

And do you actually think they'd accpet you if allow your feelings to be known?

Stop dreaming _thing._ Be realistic. Your hope was broken once you were created.

And thank god for that.

* * *

"Shut up."

_I muttered under my breath._

_My demon was invading me again. _

* * *

He turned and looked at me, a genuine smile plastered on his face.

"What was that naruto?"

I stared at him blankly. And gave him a fake smile.

"Nothing."

He looked away, disappointed.

"What's life without taking chances? naruto, be realistic, you want to have fun! God naruto. You're a teenager. Still a kid. The laugh line around your mouth's even gone. What happened?"

He said in a tone that only we 2 could hear, but firm enough to let me know he was upset.

* * *

And thank god..

_God._

Thank god for _once_, she's not paying attention.

* * *

Funny. You and I sort of change positions. You always smile and make lame ass jokes now.

While I, on the other hand, stopped doing those shit.

"naruto, stop acting like this. I know you want to."

He whispered.

Ha. If you only knew sasuke. If you only _felt._

"I am being realistic."

I said as cold as I could.

* * *

Their relationship wasn't as we expected. He was _her_ possession now. And her property was off limits to _every_ girl, strangely, sakura feels like I'm a girl too.

sasuke was more than being on a leash. He isn't even in a cage half his size.. They share the same room.

_Share._

* * *

"Damn it."

I cursed and pivoted out of the room.

"I have to go."

I said and walked.

* * *

The water's so clear and cold.

naruto ironically smiled.

"Like me."

That thought didn't bother him at all.

His feet dipped in the water as she sat by the edge.

Tranquility.

"Ugh."

_I've had enough of that._

he absent-mindedly rolled his eyes and turned his head to his right, to see a face.

naruto's breath was caught in his throat. His heart practically stopped. All the blood leaving him and joining the water.

"What you up to?"

He grinned and sat next to him.

_You bastard! You have agility!_

Unfortunately, naruto didn't.

And _splashed._

"Ah!"

he sucked in breath as his body registered that the water was ice cold.

"You alright?"

He asked, joining him.

His eyes bulged incredulously, noticing their closeness.

"I love you."

He mouthed.

"No. You _love_ sakura."

naruto hurt a bit as the words left her lips.

he backed away from him, glaring at him with his sky blue stone eyes.

"Get away before she kills me. And your jokes are worse than kakashi's."

he declared with a shaky voice.

His eyes were cold as he stared at the soaking wet sasuke in front of him.

He raised his hand to his neck, for a month now, he had that bandage around his neck for god-knows-what reasons, and pealed the bandage away.

"My god."

naruto let out.

_His name_. Naruto. _His_ name was printed on sasuke's neck.

"naruto, I love you. Not sakura, I love no one else but you And I was a fool to look for someone who was already in front of me."

He paused and caressed naruto's freezing cheek.

"I love sakura, as a sister. I've tried explaining everything to her… but she won't listen."

There was irritation in his voice as he revealed more.

"naruto. Don't turn away from me this time. You said you weren't ready for a relationship when I first asked you.. It's been almost 3 years."

His voice etched with sorrow.

"I'm not ashamed of it."

"We were young. We still are."

naruto said defensively.

"But I know this is it. You're my-"

"Damn it sasuke! Stop fooling me! I can kill you if you continue!… please.."

he screamed the first words and ended up pleading. he turned away..

Again…

Ran.

* * *

God.

God.

God.

Are you there?

**Yes. **

Can you take me now?

**No.**

Why? Please, god, take me now. I don't care where I go. I'll leave it up to you.

**Things will change naruto. Believe in me and in yourself. **

God. Please. Please. Take me away.

**Naruto, you're young. You've led a life unfulfilled. You can still make changes. You can still make hearts love you.**

I don't want-nobody loves me. It's all a lie. I'm a lie.

**Naruto, naruto, naruto, I love you. You're not a lie. You're a beautiful child, with eyes that reflect my kingdom. Hair that mirrors my son's crown. I love you.**

You… love…

**He loves you.**

Me. Love… me.

**Don't cry my child. My beautiful child.**

Someone loves… me?

**Yes.**

**

* * *

**

"**I'm not human**

**I'm barely alive**

**I'm here breathing, **

**Not wanting to survive **

**Shadows looming every part of me**

**Scarring myself permanently**

**Running from reality**

**Hurting instantly**

**Tears streaming**

**Almost breaking**

**Wanting, me wanting**

**Yearning, me yearning**

**For someone to hold,**

**Someone to keep**

**And to be always**

**In someone's arms when I sleep**

**Shadows looming every part of me**

**Scarring myself permanently**

**Running from reality**

**Hurting instantly……"**

naruto took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Tears dripping on his pillow.

"**I'm not human**

**I'm barely alive**

**I'm here breathing, **

**Not wanting to survive…"**

naruto paused and whimpered the last words out..

"_**Wanting someone to hold…"**_

naruto's eyes fluttered as he gasped. Two arms held him, fitting perfectly as if he was molded for them.

Tears gushed even more.. Staining the flesh.

"I'll hold you."

* * *

Well? What do you think? Naruto's singing a song of mine heh here. It's short but i'll be uploading the 2nd chapter to this soon... After I've thought of them. this is actually the 2nd version of my other story "someone to hold". They're almost the same but I've made this more emotional. Hope someone likes this.

Sorry for the typos

Ciao


	2. in your arms

**Chapter 2**

**In your arms**

* * *

"What the he-"

Naruto turned his head upon hearing the voice.

Stunned silence.

Naruto's lips met with gaara's in a swift and unexpected turn.

Gaara…

_Gaara._

_Gaara._

Gaara!

Naruto pushed the red-haired boy as soon as his nerves could react.

"What the hell-what the-kuso!"

Naruto stammered, his face flushed down to his feet.

Naruto stood up and faced Gaara, hands still shaking.

_Damn._

He had let his guard down while his back was facing his open window.

**Too caught up in his sissy singing.**

The demon snorted.

Naruto's mind couldn't react to the demon's insulting words, there was someone more important in front of him. Very important indeed.

Turquoise met with blue, the other relaxed while the smaller wide in shock.

"You! Wha-how-why-are you insane! Am I insane!-Dreaming!"

Naruto blurted out hysterically.

"Hai! I am dreaming! Must've fallen asleep while crying! Hai, hai-"

Naruto's eyes flashed with pity realization. Preparing to pinch his harm unconsciously, he used his chakra since it was only a dream.

"Naruto."

Gaara said, stopping Naruto from hurting himself.

"Why."

Naruto's eyes glazed.

"Are you crying?"

Gaara finished, and reached for Naruto's blonde hair. Naruto cringed.

"It's alright. I won't hurt you."

Naruto slammed his eyes tight.

Yes you will. Everyone hurts me.

"Naruto, talk to me. I want to hear what happened."

Gaara slowly stroked the tear stained boy, coaxing him to come to his side.

It's been like this for years, Naruto, Years. Why haven't you accepted me? I've always been here for you. Faithful to you. Caring to you.

Loving you.

_Always._

"Naruto."

* * *

3 years earlier.

"Naruto! How dare you touch sasuke-kun like that! Get away from him!"

Sakura lunged at me, clawing my face with her talon-like nails.

"Kuso! That bastard started it!"

I backed away from them. Feeling the blood trace down my face.

_Bastard._

I locked gaze with sasuke. His dark eyes flashing with some emotion I can't make out.

"Sasuke-kun, are you alright? Hurt? Aching somewhere?-"

Sasuke swiped Sakura's annoying hands away.

"I'm alright. Leave us."

Sakura's face twisted with dismay, hell; did he just say-**leave us**? What-is he going to fucking**RAPE ME AGAIN!**

"sakur-"

She turned to me and pointed a furious finger at me.

"Demon, don't you dare touch him again. I'm going to do what sasuke-kun asks me to do-remember, I'm always here."

Sasuke looked real pissed, at me or at her? Make it me, please.

"I'm not asking you. I'm telling you."

"hn."

His voice was cold and Sakura cringed a bit, her ego hurt as she fled the room.

**-Latch-**

The door closed.

"Naruto-"

"I don't know what's in that head of yours,"

I began, butting in sasuke's sentence.

"But I know that getting the hell away from you is what my brain is telling me."

**What the hell's happening kid?**

_Oro? Oh-it's you._

**Well?**

He grabbed me and literally dragged me in this room and then, oh well nothing much, he just tried to **rape** me, that's all.

"Wait. I know that you think I'm insane for doing that to you-"

Sasuke looked me straight in the eye and inched his way toward me.

"You're wrong. I don't think that, I know that you are!"

I screamed and backed away.

_Hey, you there?_

**………..**

_Nothing._

_Damn, he's gone. Why is it that every time I'm in need, everyone leaves me!_

_Damn. Damn. Damn_.

"Naruto. I've been feeling something, I can't-I don't know what it is."

Sasuke revealed and reached out to grab hold of Naruto's clenched fists.

The blonde's eyes widened even more, pulling his fists back.

"Kuso! Sasuke! Stop this! I-I- I hate you! I hate you!"

Sasuke was used to hearing those words coming from Naruto's mouth. But never, had he heard him speak those words with so much venom.

Hate.

Hate.

**Hate.**

Sasuke stiffened, allowing naruto to have his hands back.

Pain.

Suddenly, a sharppiercing painflooded Naruto's chest.

**Stop this nonsense baka. You love him. Don't let him go.**

_I, I, I can't._

"So, you really do hate me. Hah."

A forced laugh came from sasuke's throat.

"Now you're probably more disgusted with me."

_Kuso! Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry._

"No-it's just that-"

**Don't lie baka. It doesn't suit you.**

"I'm not ready."

Naruto watched Sakura cling wildly unto sasuke's sore arm.

"everyone!"

She called, she was probably going to declare that they, sasuke and Sakura, were and item.

_Ha._

_Fat chance._

**You had your chance.**

Like I said, **FAT** chance.

Somehow, naruto gripped his jacket in anticipation, rather anxiety.

Sasuke turned his head ever so slightly that they could make eye contact.

There was something in those onyx eyes of sasuke that made naruto turn away.

Were his eyes actually telling me…

The blonde shinobi's thoughts were cut of with a very girly and annoying shriek.

"Sasuke-sempai and I are officially a couple!"

Naruto couldn't help himself, for he started laughing.

"Naruto! What so funny!"

Sakura glared.

Again. Naruto and sasuke's eyes met.

"Well-"

He started but was cut off by someone's thoughts.

_Naruto. Don't make it more hard than it already is. I accepted Sakura's offer because I need to get this off my chest. Rejection by the person I love._

_Get that?_

_Love._

_Naruto Uzumaki._

_I still love you._

* * *

Well? That was kinda screwed up-I know! But hopefully-it's not that bad… i will revise it sometime! i just wanted the 2nd chap up so badly-even though i hada maajor case of mental block-i still managed to write something that makes some sense... hehehe...


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